Today, I remembered events from this date exactly four years ago. This was the date I realized I needed to change my life; this was the date I told two different people how I really felt about them. This was the date that I finally let myself feel my emotions. Tomorrow’s date is the date (four years ago) […]
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I’ve decided to restart Thankful Thursday posts. I haven’t done one in a long time, but it’s time to work on refocusing my brain again. I went and read a post from two years ago and realized that I still need to do this activity. Today, I am thankful that my feelings are not as dire as […]
Continue Reading →I woke up this morning from a very violent and traumatic dream. In the dream, I was back in the little town where I went to elementary school. I was at the town’s relatively new middle school. I was inside the auditorium with a bunch of other people, attending a school event for my children. The […]
Continue Reading →I woke up today like an old woman – creaking, cringing, and crying. I’m in full-blown seasonal depression now, hoping to wake up dead. My brain is stuck in rumination mode, and every few seconds, I think of a reason I shouldn’t exist. I think of how much better off everyone would be if I […]
Continue Reading →So, seasonal depression is in full swing. I’m pretty surprised it hasn’t taken me out completely yet, though I still expect it to. I’m using all the coping strategies I’ve learned this past year to keep myself afloat. It seems to be working for the most part – I’ve managed to make it through this […]
Continue Reading →For some reason, people don’t understand how or why I am not interested in “dating”. I’ve tried to explain this before, but nobody seems to listen to what I’m saying. I think they hear me, but I don’t think they are listening. I have never been asked out on a date. Ever. For whatever reason, […]
Continue Reading →I’ve been working on my self-esteem this year. One of my goals for 2015 is to become confident. At this point in my life, I’m giving a big FU to whoever has told or will tell me I’m worthless. I realize now that people tell me that kind of thing as a type of manipulation […]
Continue Reading →During fall and winter, I become a bear – I’m only interested in food and hibernation. I’m constantly hungry and tired. This is Seasonal Affective Disorder, so it also means my body is out of my control: I overeat without meaning to, well-intentioned walks becomes trudges (my legs feel like they weigh a ton), and […]
Continue Reading →I had a particularly curious dream last night. It wasn’t traumatic or violent or upsetting, just curious. The main thing that stood out to me was that it was so real. I remember my thoughts during the dream, I remember my emotions, and I remember my physical reactions to the environment. I can’t really tell […]
Continue Reading →I was going to write this in my personal journal, but I decided to write here, because I feel like talking to someone. Nothing particularly important, just regular old things going on in my head. I actually have felt balanced and pleasant lately, for the past couple of months. I started taking turmeric circumin each […]
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