I woke up this morning from a very violent and traumatic dream. In the dream, I was back in the little town where I went to elementary school. I was at the town’s relatively new middle school. I was inside the auditorium with a bunch of other people, attending a school event for my children. The […]
Continue Reading →I woke up today like an old woman – creaking, cringing, and crying. I’m in full-blown seasonal depression now, hoping to wake up dead. My brain is stuck in rumination mode, and every few seconds, I think of a reason I shouldn’t exist. I think of how much better off everyone would be if I […]
Continue Reading →So, seasonal depression is in full swing. I’m pretty surprised it hasn’t taken me out completely yet, though I still expect it to. I’m using all the coping strategies I’ve learned this past year to keep myself afloat. It seems to be working for the most part – I’ve managed to make it through this […]
Continue Reading →For some reason, people don’t understand how or why I am not interested in “dating”. I’ve tried to explain this before, but nobody seems to listen to what I’m saying. I think they hear me, but I don’t think they are listening. I have never been asked out on a date. Ever. For whatever reason, […]
Continue Reading →I’ve been working on my self-esteem this year. One of my goals for 2015 is to become confident. At this point in my life, I’m giving a big FU to whoever has told or will tell me I’m worthless. I realize now that people tell me that kind of thing as a type of manipulation […]
Continue Reading →During fall and winter, I become a bear – I’m only interested in food and hibernation. I’m constantly hungry and tired. This is Seasonal Affective Disorder, so it also means my body is out of my control: I overeat without meaning to, well-intentioned walks becomes trudges (my legs feel like they weigh a ton), and […]
Continue Reading →I had a particularly curious dream last night. It wasn’t traumatic or violent or upsetting, just curious. The main thing that stood out to me was that it was so real. I remember my thoughts during the dream, I remember my emotions, and I remember my physical reactions to the environment. I can’t really tell […]
Continue Reading →I was going to write this in my personal journal, but I decided to write here, because I feel like talking to someone. Nothing particularly important, just regular old things going on in my head. I actually have felt balanced and pleasant lately, for the past couple of months. I started taking turmeric circumin each […]
Continue Reading →Only a couple of months into the year, and I’ve already made a few useful realizations: 1) Intuition is always right. I realized I’ve been ignoring my intuition again. I have been willfully ignoring my gut feelings in an attempt to be “normal”. After a bunch of rejection and upset and confusion, I had a […]
Continue Reading →I often feel out of sync with the world – as if time exists, but I am moving at a different speed. I look around, and everything looks strange to me. Lights seem too bright and too artificial, my body feels strange to me, words and laughter sound foreign, and people’s behavior takes on an […]
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