Brain Function in a Dysfunctional Brain…
There is an area in the center of my brain, specifically the frontal lobe, that feels strange. I can feel it processing, but whatever it’s processing is fuzzy to me. I can’t figure out what I am puzzling over. I feel confused and I feel disconcerted.
I feel this fuzzy feeling in the very front of the frontal lobe, also known as the “prefrontal area” or “PFC”. This is where higher cognitive functions take place.
The PFC is responsible for short-term memory, planning, perseverance, impulse control, organization, problem-solving, attention span, personality, behavior, judgment, self-monitoring, supervision, critical thinking, forward thinking, learning from experiences/memories, empathy and expression of emotions.
Essentially, this is where all of my problems lie. It makes sense that my brain would feel jumbled in this spot, because I am definitely having problems with pretty much every one of the items listed above.
Frustrating. I want to scream in frustration because this indecision and confusion is unnerving and I wish it would just go away and that I could just be a pleasant, feeling person without all of this angst and annoyance and depression and anxiety(?). (<- I'm not sure if I am feeling anxiety, because I've rubbed all anxiety out of existence in the past. But, I do feel an antsy feeling when I think about going through life with this brain problem. /sigh) But, this could be a good thing... I mean, if I am rewriting the 'code' (so to speak) that determines how my brain responds to the world and the actions I output, then that is great! I want to see things differently! I want to respond to the world differently! I just did a small experiment. I completely ignored my emotions and concentrated on logic, which I prefer and which comes naturally to me. The haziness disappeared immediately. Apparently, the cloudy feeling is specifically caused or related to emotion. This discovery has reaffirmed, for me, the necessity of finding a balance between this logic and that emotion. I've been trying to get rid of this overshadowing and encompassing fogginess by writing out my thoughts, using pen/paper or this blog to make sense of whatever pops into my head... but it is still there. I don't know when or how it will go away, but I know that it dissipates every so often, when I have a breakthrough in understanding. I don't think I will ever understand everything, but I do sincerely hope that someday I will understand myself.