Materialism and Me…
I’m trying to figure out why the materialism coming from other people bothers me so much. Truly, it does feel like it is emanating from other people – a palpable aura that makes me feel uneasy and corrupted.
To be sure, I do sense ‘unusual’ things from other people – it is an energy that gives me a picture of the emotions and intent of other people. And, while I do acknowledge the official stance of society that any belief in extrasensory perception means a person is gullible, ignorant, and/or unintelligent, I cannot and will not deny my life experiences. I know what I know, and I’ve likely creeped you out a time or two by mentioning things I’ve heard from you that you didn’t tell me. That’s just the way it goes. (Interestingly, this is a common trait of female Aspergians – often considered psychics and/or empaths long before diagnosis.) Sometimes, I just know things.
Anyway, when people around me invest heavily in commercialism and materialistic endeavors, I have an adverse reaction to their obsession. I get a sense of foreboding and hopelessness and misanthropy that manifests as a creeping sludge that begins to assert itself in my emotional state. I began to feel like I have a “black heart” – nothing matters, and I feel cold and calculating. I get the sense that if I allow this blackness to prevail, I will lose my ability to think and discern my personal truth. So, I feel an acute need to get away from people at these times.
This sense is considerably more noticeable during the winter holidays. I’ll be honest – I don’t like shopping. I don’t mind doing research to find the best price on an item I would like to buy, I don’t mind taking time to find what I am looking for, I don’t mind taking time to look at things I might need. What I do mind is doing this near other people. I have always had a hard time shopping in big box stores – densely populated stores, like Wal-Mart, bother me immensely.
To give you an idea of how it feels to me – imagine that every human has dragged his/her feet on the carpet and built up an electrical charge big enough to form a force field around the entire body. I, however, have been treading lightly to avoid building up an electrical charge. Every time I get too close to anyone else, though, I get shocked. Some people have higher charges than others, and when I hear that electrical hum of high voltage, I actively try to get away from them before I get shocked. When there are too many people, I get shocked repeatedly and incessantly to the point of electrocution. Imagine how you would feel if 1,000 people poked you with their static-charged fingers every single minute of your life.
If I can’t remove myself from these shocks, I become very tired, burnt out, and feel like I need to knock myself out so that I may sleep forever. This is not unlike the aftereffects of real electrocution or seizures – the brain needs to shut down to protect the body while it reboots.
TLDR: I am aware of electrical energy on a conscious level and it affects me greatly.
I try to avoid spending time in big stores by having a list prepared, going directly to the aisles for things I need, and traveling down empty aisles. But, even so, if I stay in one of these stores for much more than 45 minutes, I begin to feel overheated, nauseated with a headache, and have an immense urge to leave my cart and run out of there.
To be fair, I don’t have a problem with persons – one or two people’s energy is manageable and I can sort through and dismiss those things I “hear”. But, when there are hundreds of people? People who feel greedy and angry and judging and hating and focused on money? I become overwhelmed in a relatively short time.
During times when there is a frenzy, it becomes something else entirely, though. That normal electricity takes on a malevolence that causes me great distress. As I described earlier, the energy is darker and more aggressive. I do feel this darkness often, from people at random, and when I get overwhelmed I try to calm myself down… but it becomes concentrated and unavoidable during times of heightened materialism.
What bothers me emotionally, though, is that I feel so hollow and apathetic when I am around too much economic materialism. That desire for possessions does not drive me in any way in my life. In fact, it repulses me to think of spending my entire life to get money to get stuff that will just end up in a dump. I don’t like the idea of a disposable lifestyle, and I don’t like the idea of being a slave to the market. I need self-sufficiency to feel free. I must remain resourceful and continue to find happiness in my life – independent from STUFF.
I get a sick feeling when I see too much of this in print – people talking about how they “NEED this” or “JEALOUS of that” online. It literally gives me an ill feeling that I do not like in the slightest. I don’t really watch tv because of the large number of commercials. I have ad blockers on my browsers, and I automatically recycle advertisements that come in the mail or with a newspaper. It’s just stuff that I feel no want or need for.
I do like technology. Technology is extremely useful. But, for me, a sense of awe at human ingenuity – pushing the boundaries of impossible – fuels my interest in new tech. At the same time, though, I despise how new technology is used.
For example: 3D printing has the amazing potential to change the world as we know it… yet every day I see stories about really ridiculous uses that cheapen (for me) the technology by making it into a commercialized commodity. 3D printing to make pre-fab houses for disaster victims: YES. 3D printing to make angel wings for runway models: NO. I mean, really? What a waste of time and resources! I do understand the “honeymoon” stage humans go through, where a new tech is a marvel and so they try to use it however they can… But, it does get tiresome to me. Not that it matters what I think, but I just wish that the focus didn’t always turn to profit immediately.
Someday, I’ll upgrade my dinky cell phone to a smart phone. I’ll probably get my little family a knockoff tablet for Christmas so that we may all share it and have fun playing with it as the novelty it is. I feel like technology is a whim, for fun and an interesting phenomena to study. I love knowing the inner-workings of a computer, but I also love knowing the inner-workings of a food dehydrator. Life can continue without high level tech. Life cannot continue without food. Dependence on technology is incompatible with survival.
At any rate, prattling on about the things in life that bother me isn’t going to change anything at all. I wanted to explain WHY the drive for possessions bothers me, and I have done so.
Take it easy, friend. Hug your loved ones, breathe deeply, and look at the sky once in a while.
– Jane