On Entering a New Era…
Bring out the party hats and confetti, folks, I’ve finally MADE IT!!!
I have finally been able to pull those last vestiges of the old me out of the dark, examine them and hold them to the light. And, they’ve taken on the light and held it. I’m different. I’ve become someone else, just in the past few weeks.
Here are the things I’ve learned:
– Present is all I have, I must live as if today is the last day I have. Tomorrow is not guaranteed.
– Thoughts are just thoughts. Feelings are just feelings. I am here, whether or not those thoughts and feelings are here. I Am Here.
– I have existed in pain BY CHOICE. I didn’t realize it before, but now I see: I can let go of painful thoughts. Because they are just thoughts, they are not reality. If they aren’t real, they aren’t relevant to my real life.
– I have existed in dissatisfaction BY CHOICE. I have held these feelings of ‘not good enough’, complaining to myself about things I cannot change today. But, I don’t have to change them TODAY. They are part of today, just as I am part of today. It’s okay to accept things as they ARE, and stop trying to change things that can’t be changed today. Because change is gradual and unexpected – it cannot be cast into reality, no matter how forceful I try to be. Let it go. Let it go.
– If it is my future, it is my future. Nothing I do or say can make this any more true or false. The future is the future. Let it be as it will be.
– I am a good person, and I show this goodness to others. There is no need to feel insecure about that.
– I feel love for myself and for others. It is good to feel love.
– I feel peaceful, because I am HERE. All is as it is. I am as I am.
And it’s all okay.
It isn’t yet a complete transformation, I still find myself stuck in dark places here and there. The difference, though, is that I am able to bring myself OUT! This is so important to me, to be able to look at my heart and see that that pain is okay to feel, but that I need to let those feelings wash over me instead of drowning in them. I am able to see when I am drowning, and have become capable of pulling myself out of those depths.
This is something I could not do before.
I thank you so much, my friend, for your kindness and support. I thank you for your patience and acceptance and understanding.
I feel so very grateful.
One more thing I am learning: to turn the darkness into light. I am somehow able to transform those painful feelings into peace.
I don’t understand it myself, but I am here. I am alive, I am living. It’s okay to live.
Peace to you, my friend.