2019, the End of an Era
Today, I saw a bunch of social media posts where people listed the things that happened to them in the 2010s, then summarized their post with a story about how great the universe has been to them this decade.
Naturally, I decided to break down the last decade by year and write down the most memorable events. As it turns out, I had 2 relatively good years. 2 of 10. More like 1.5 of the 10, but who’s counting?
I finished school in 2010 and got my first pro job as a web developer. The first half of 2011 was rough because that is when I realized I couldn’t be married anymore; the second half was joyous because my youngest child was born. 2012 wasn’t particularly memorable in that I literally don’t remember anything significant from that year, but I did learn how to knit and crochet. 2013 was the year I got up the courage to play music live and met my future bandmates, but also the year my ex-mother-in-law passed away.
2014 was when my divorce was finalized. I used that year to get completely out of debt, and I finally figured out how to set myself on the best possible path to success. I took myself on a trip overseas and didn’t feel guilty about spending the money on myself. I was confident it could only get better from there.
But then 2015 came along and I literally died doing what I loved because I was swarmed by yellowjackets while turning the compost that I used in my then-amazing garden. My body decided that was the opportune time to become allergic to wasp venom, and I went into anaphylaxis. Happily, I realized it in time and didn’t die until after the paramedics tried to take my vitals and couldn’t find my blood pressure. Shortly thereafter, I lost all hope of having a good future when I realized that the tiny modest things I do to feel happy are useless because – surprise! – I’ll surely get knocked down 4 or 5 steps to make sure I stay in my place.
2016 was, bar none, the worst year of my life. I fell in love with a man and started to feel a glimmer of hope for happiness and truly believed it might be possible. I took on a big project at work and thought I was on the road to recovery. That hope was deftly erased when I was laid off two weeks before the man I loved so much died, by suicide.
2017 was a haze of grief and depression and anxiety, where I tried my best to trudge on, but it really was just misery. Literally the same day that I started to think I might learn to gain control, I instead gained a stalker who decided it made perfect sense to send criminals and addicts to my home to vandalize my property. On top of my grief, I got to feel victimized and angry and lost for the rest of that year while I went through a lengthy court case against him. I was a mess and could barely work. I scraped by doing what I could to make ends meet, but I also gained significant debt.
I finally got past most of that haziness in 2018 and found a full-time position with a truly wonderful company. I slowly started to build my life again, putting new pieces together and working hard to get out of debt. It was a neutral enough year, most of the really bad stuff happened at the beginning, and the rest of the year I kept my head down and got things done. I did not bother having hope and really just focused on getting to the next day.
2019 has been… interesting? I learned that I much prefer being single to being in a shitty one-sided “relationship”. The court case finally ended and I subsequently got to see first-hand how money brings out people’s true colors. I finally got to travel again, for my job and with my band. I was finally able to do TMS to treat depression and anxiety. As a result, I got to experience feeling cheerful for the first time in my life. I did a six-month dating experiment, tabulated the data, and realized I did not and will never again settle for “good enough”. I finished some major projects at work and felt proud of the innovations I made and the lessons I learned. I finished installing a wood floor on my back porch. I started on other household projects that I haven’t been capable of doing until now. I’m rounding out the year feeling pretty darn good. It’s nowhere near perfect, but I am grateful for a life where the unexpected will surely happen. I still can’t really plan for the future, but I never stop moving forward.
As for the list of goals I outlined last year via “2018, In Closing“, well, I did what I could. I’ll bring some of those forward into this new decade, and that’s okay because I realize I have a multitude of ideas and not enough time to implement them all.
I wrote down what I’d like to accomplish in 2020:
- – Finish building my silversmithing e-commerce website.
- – Plan out and gradually remodel my garage.
- – Get my roof replaced.
- – Get going on some specific 12-day habit runs to tighten up my routines.
- – Pay off as much debt as possible and build up more than emergency savings.
- – Decide whether I want to go back to school.
- – Finish the rest of my home improvement projects.
- – Figure out how to keep plantar fasciitis and tendonitis in my left foot in check, because
- – I will play more tennis.
That’s where I’m at. I’m heading into the ’20s with no idea what will happen but truly prepared for anything. The one thing I can say about the ’10s is that I learned how strong I am.
Happy New Decade to you, friend, I’ll see you around!