Confessions of a Prude…
I always feel strange when I hear about other people’s “bucket lists” – things people want to do before they die. Maybe it’s my chronological age, or may it’s just human nature, but it seems like the majority of things people want to do have to do with sex, drugs, and/or daredevil stunts. I can’t identify with this. Pretty much the only “bucket” I want to fill is my travel bucket. I want to travel the world, and that is really the only thing (aside from my everyday goals) I feel I “need” to do before I die. I guess what I am saying is that personal growth and lasting memories are more important to me than fleeting “highs” of any kind.
I’ve always been of this mindset – I was definitely a sensible old woman in a little girl’s body. When I was young, I was very embarrassed about this because I understood that I was not interesting in the ways that young girls want to be interesting. So, I used to lie. All the time. About truly ridiculous and unimportant stuff. Basically, I felt like the only way I’d ever be “acceptable” was to make up stories that other people could relate to. That way, I wouldn’t seem like such a prude.
But, I am a prude. Really. I can’t help it. In the old days, prude meant something akin to “honorable woman”. These days, it means something like “buzzkill”. And, really, I am a buzzkill. The only buzzing I’m interested in is that which comes from bees pollinating my garden plants. I’m just not “cool” – there are certain things I have no interest in and when presented with them cannot bring myself to do. There’s something in my heart and soul that says, “No, I do not want to do this.” So, I don’t.
I am adventurous, just not in the ways society tells us are worthy of interest. As such, I’ve never had a problem with peer pressure, which I’m sure is a good thing. Interestingly, a lot of the stories I’d tell had to do with peer pressure – like, “Oh, I was out with my friends and they stole some beer from their parents and I didn’t want to drink at all but they kept trying to get me to so finally I drank it.” (I’m laughing at myself.) As I said, I wanted to be believable. So, I made stuff up that I thought other people would actually believe.
And so, I have decided to confess all of the “cool” things I haven’t done but which I have, at some point in the past, lied about doing. Just to show how lame I really am.
- Alcohol
– I have never been drunk.
– I feel very nauseated and hot when I drink any amount of alcohol. I believe I am intolerant to it. The only things I truly hate are being nauseated and being unbearably hot. As such, I “drink” once per year or less, and generally only to see if some drink tastes “good”.
– All alcoholic drinks taste exactly the same to me. They all taste like alcohol. I do not like this taste and it makes my gorge rise.
– Apparently, I can “handle my liquor”. Even when I have forced myself to drink relatively large amounts of alcohol, I have not lost my faculties or turned into a loopy bimbo. I really don’t understand what all the hubbub is about. If feeling ill and dizzy is “a buzz”, then I definitely don’t want to buzz.
– I’ve only been to a bar one time, as a minor in college, and I didn’t drink. I mostly just sat and watched other people get plastered and thought about how much I wanted to leave because it was disturbing to me. I watched how quickly those people who’d taken so much time getting their fake personas on before going to the bar deteriorated into bumbling, incoherent saps – completely at the mercy of other bar patrons. Disturbing. - Drugs & Addictive Chemicals
– I’ve only ever smoked 1/2 of a cigarette. I found it nauseating and foul tasting. I have never smoked again. I do like the smell of cigarette smoke sometimes, though. Just as I like the smell of gasoline sometimes.
– I have never tried any type of illegal drug. I have never used an “upper” or “downer” or any other directionally descriptive chemical. Truth be told, the first time I took any type of medication was when I was 16, and only because I had a chronic/recurring tonsil infection but the doctor would not approve a tonsillectomy.
– I have a hard time taking any medication at all; I do not like putting chemicals into my body. I’ve been known to suffer through significant pain or allergies without taking medication, simply because I forget that there is medication I can take for relief.
– I might try marijuana at some point, because it’s legal in my state. I don’t really care either way, though. I am open to the idea, but it’s not at the top of my priority list. - Sexual Exploits & Exploitation
– I have never been to a strip club. I will never go to a strip club or participate in any type of “stripper” activities (including bachelorette parties, and the like).
– Pornography is disturbing and saddening to me.
– The idea of casual sex is disturbing to me.
– Basically, the idea of sexualization for money or attention or power makes me sad. I feel like sex should be a happy and fun and for love, not attention. I cannot support or condone this type of behavior. I get it, “live and let live”; I understand that a lot of people think this is perfectly acceptable in their lives. But, I don’t have to accept that as a part of my life. I don’t have to accept these things as “normal” or “perfectly okay”. No. This is not acceptable to me. - Vegas
– I have no idea what’s so great about Las Vegas. I don’t like to gamble (waste of money), I don’t drink, I don’t care about partying. I have never been on a “Vegas Trip”. I think the only thing I’ve ever left in Vegas was some hair from my hairbrush that I tossed out the window while driving through once.
– The only thing I’ve ever wanted to see in Las Vegas was the Star Trek: The Experience attraction. It closed down in 2008. Vegas is now completely uninteresting to me. - Travel
– When I was 18, I was supposed to take a trip to Europe with some pals but I ended up staying at university to work and go to school because I was being responsible. Even though I’d already shelled out quite a bit for the pre-trip preparations over the course of a year, when it came time to finalize the trip I realized I wouldn’t be able to afford it without amassing debt. So, I didn’t go. I regret this only because I have loved Europe since I was a tiny lass. I am glad I didn’t go into debt, though. I will get that long-lasting trip to Europe someday, when I can afford to. Oh, the reason I mention this is because I lied to some people and said I went on the trip. Really, though, I just hid out in my apartment for a couple of weeks until I “came back from the trip”. (Laughing a lot at myself right now.) - Prestige
– I was accepted into quite a few big-name universities. I chose one to go to simply because I had to choose one to go to. I never actually had any interest in going to college. Mostly because school is ridiculously boring to me. Incidentally, I dropped out after a couple of years of university because it was amazingly boring and pointless and I felt like I was wasting my life and amassing debt listening to arrogant people drone on about themselves. I never got a prestigious degree. I have some low-level diplomas and degrees, though. And, that’s perfectly fine with me. - Misc.
– I do not like Top 40 music. I have never liked Top 40 music. When I was young, I used to listen to it so that I could identify what other people were talking about and claim to like the same music as they did. Now, when I hear it, I want to forcibly expel it from my ears and/or consciousness.
– I have never “been in a band” other than jazz band or marching band at school. Seriously.
– I don’t like pizza very much.
– I don’t like soda very much.
– I do like candy, but only sometimes.
– I like vegetables more than I like candy.
– I can’t think of any outrageously daring or dangerous thing I’ve ever done specifically because it was daring or dangerous. I’m interested in skydiving, but I think that’s really the only “scary” thing that interests me.
– I am not fashionable and have never been fashionable. I used to waste time pretending that fashionable things were interesting to me and I used to lie to people about clothes or whatever that “looked good” because I wanted to be normal. Nope, not normal. I’d wear Victorian-style clothing every day if I could. Well, that or farmer clothes. Either way, not normal.
– I am not high maintenance at all. Expensive or decorative things are useless and wasteful to me. This includes things such as diamonds, new cars, cut flowers, expensive electronics, expensive foods/restaurants, makeup, interior design stuff, anything that is purely decorative (for other people to look at but not functional), and any type of excessive behavior or spending. Pretending to like this stuff was probably the most trying for me, because materialism is so completely pointless to me.
So, there you have it. Confessions of a prude. And, I am laughing at myself because I am so silly and strange and cannot accept a lot of “normal” things yet sometimes lament not being “normal”. I guess I can just call it the “Prude Paradox”.
Take care,
– Jane