My thoughts today are conflicted. This morning, I had resigned myself to returning to the cynical person I was until a few years ago. I had to be that way to protect myself. I wrote about it in my journal, scribbling out all of my feelings, detailing how I don’t believe I’m meant to think my feelings could […]
Continue Reading →I get pretty tired of always thinking about men and relationships. It’s annoying, seriously. I guess, really, it’s me always trying to figure out how the heck to find a good relationship. I know the logistics of it: start dating random men, find a compatible one, start a relationship. It seems simple to me, in theory, until I […]
Continue Reading →It’s remarkable how different I feel after catching up on sleep. Today I feel calm, amused, and pleasant. I keep smiling about stuff and I feel good. This morning, I stood outside and the weather was perfect – overcast and cool with a nice breeze. The morning air was fresh and smelled wonderful. I took a […]
Continue Reading →My waking thought this morning was, “Why can’t I just die already?” I’m feeling overwhelmed and weary, to the point of not wanting to wake up ever again. The past 10 days have been very strange – there have been several stressful situations and unusual events. As a result, I haven’t been sleeping well and […]
Continue Reading →My thoughts today are hectic and full of pervasive anxiety. I wish there was a switch I could flip to turn myself into someone else. I wish I could be something, anything, else. I guess I’m acutely feeling all the things that are “wrong” with me – people keep pointing out the things they don’t like about me […]
Continue Reading →I’m feeling utterly feckless (without purpose) today. I lost all sense of purpose the other day simply by doing one silly thing as a social experiment. Meh, I feel blank and dull. I have been feeling like this intermittently for about a month. Today, though, I also feel upset – anxious and inadequate. I do realize […]
Continue Reading →I forgot (for the 432nd time) how to be present in my life. I’ve felt disorganized, detached, and unmotivated for the past few weeks. It’s time to cinch up and buckle down. I feel the need to tidy up my thoughts and environment. I realized this morning that I’ve just been floating through my days, going through the […]
Continue Reading →This past week has been great – I’ve felt balanced, calm, and in control. I don’t know why, but I do know it felt good to be okay in my life. One thing I noticed is that I would wake up at about 4 am with anxiety from whatever I was thinking about during sleep… but then […]
Continue Reading →I am having an extremely rare day of peace. I don’t feel bad mentally or physically, there aren’t any pervasive thought chains, and I am staying in the present without effort. I feel like I’m supposed to do something about it? I kind of miss feeling bad because I’m so used to it? I really don’t like […]
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Today, I remembered events from this date exactly four years ago. This was the date I realized I needed to change my life; this was the date I told two different people how I really felt about them. This was the date that I finally let myself feel my emotions. Tomorrow’s date is the date (four years ago) […]
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