By Jane Tanfei|Sep 23 2014 | Psychology, Thoughts
My depression is killing me. I’m tired of feeling and being pessimistic toward myself, only capable of seeing and feeling the negative when I am upset. While I am significantly better equipped at weathering my melancholy than I used to be, there are still things I need to improve upon. I feel like these negative […]
Continue Reading →By Jane Tanfei|Sep 19 2014 | Thoughts
I was thinking about dependence again. I think I have a clearer understanding now: People CAN be dependent while also maintaining their independence. The word “dependence” makes me wince; I tend to think of it as a negative. One thing I have too much pride about is that I don’t have to depend on other […]
Continue Reading →By Jane Tanfei|Sep 09 2014 | Thoughts
I have been feeling terrible the past few weeks. It wasn’t until I looked at my ‘On Being an Aspie‘ post that I realized something – I’m having a bout of major depression with seasonal pattern (formerly known as Seasonal Affective Disorder). I somehow forgot, in the past year, that this is a real problem […]
Continue Reading →By Jane Tanfei|Sep 02 2014 | Thoughts
Tried and failed, tired and falling. Annoying start to the day by being annoying. People say, “reach out when you are feeling low! talk to someone! make an effort!” As long as it isn’t them you’re reaching out to when you are upset, it’s all good. Obviously, people who say that crap can’t understand what […]
Continue Reading →By Jane Tanfei|Aug 25 2014 | Thoughts
I have chronic depression. It isn’t as bad as it used to be, but it still hits me hard sometimes. Like today. Emotionally, I feel like a piece of garbage – totally worthless and useless and repulsive. I feel like my life is pointless. Nothing seems important or interesting, and I feel like I mess […]
Continue Reading →By Jane Tanfei|Aug 15 2014 | Thoughts
I guess I’m still trying to figure out WTF I want, because I keep getting stuck on things I don’t even want to think about. Namely, things related to romantic relationships. THIS IS ANNOYING. I’m pretty wishy-washy about the whole thing. Sometimes I think I’d like a partner, sometimes I don’t. Mostly, I can’t really […]
Continue Reading →By Jane Tanfei|Jul 31 2014 | Thoughts
Today, for the first time ever, I woke up without a worry in the world. Yes, my mind kept bringing up all of the things I generally worry about, but I just didn’t care about them – there was no anxiety response in my body and brain. There are a few unchangeable aspects of my […]
Continue Reading →By Jane Tanfei|Jul 28 2014 | Thoughts
I feel strange – addled. I am in the middle of one of the “where is my life going?” modes; don’t know what I’m doing, why I’m doing anything, where I’m headed… I feel lost and discombobulated, can’t see any way to go forward without also going backward. I feel like I am just going […]
Continue Reading →By Jane Tanfei|Jul 15 2014 | Thoughts
I keep forgetting who I am. This random loss of my sense of self causes me to feel deeply insecure about my place in the world. There are two definitions of insecurity: 1) uncertainty or anxiety about oneself and 2) the state of being open to danger or threat. I am subject to both of […]
Continue Reading →By Jane Tanfei|Jul 10 2014 | Thoughts
It’s more than halfway through the year, so I want to revisit my Non-Resolute Ideals for 2014 to see if I’ve followed through with my heretofore whimsical goals, most of which I’d completely forgotten I resolutely planned to do. Here we go… Solidify plans for farm or homestead. I’m still trying to figure out how to do […]
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