By Jane Tanfei|Jun 24 2014 | Thoughts
Feeling strange because I think I am entering a new mindset or range of understanding. Lately, I’ve been working to remove myself from intentional exposure to situations and ideas that I know I am sensitive to. I feel better and much calmer overall, but I also feel guilty about it. I kind of feel that […]
Continue Reading →By Jane Tanfei|Jun 19 2014 | Thoughts
There is a topic that’s been in my heart and flitting through my head for a few months now: pride. I’ve been watching people, looking for how pride is positioned in their lives. I’ve become aware of the reality that most human behavior patterns, actions, reactions and self-identity are based in pride. By pride, I […]
Continue Reading →By Jane Tanfei|Jun 18 2014 | Thoughts
“A house is made of walls and beams; a home is built with love and dreams.” This note was in a fortune cookie I got the other day. I’m not usually one to take anything more than humor from fortune cookie scrolls, but this one stuck with me. I kept this particular little piece of waxed paper and […]
Continue Reading →By Jane Tanfei|Jun 12 2014 | Thoughts
I get upset when I see, read, or hear objectification of humans. I know that this comes from being treated as an object in my youth, knowing I was worth nothing more than what my body could provide for other people’s pleasure. I feel an immense sadness and some heartache when I encounter anything that has to […]
Continue Reading →By Jane Tanfei|Jun 11 2014 | Thoughts
I recently had a night on the town, the first I’ve ever actually had. It was fun overall, because I had a good time interacting with the people I was with. I admit that I had several moments of discomfort and boredom, though, because I was there to be there, not because I necessarily wanted […]
Continue Reading →By Jane Tanfei|Jun 05 2014 | Thoughts
I had a thought today that has caused a sustained period of grief in my heart. The thought was about some other person, a person I care for, but the thought was also of myself and my own failures. A memory surfaced immediately after the thought, and I began to cry. I felt an acute […]
Continue Reading →By Jane Tanfei|May 29 2014 | Thoughts
I have come to realize that I feel that I am bland, as compared to the rest of the world. Some of the synonyms I found for bland are: uninteresting, dull, boring, tedious, monotonous, dry, drab, dreary, wearisome, dull, unremarkable. I don’t necessarily believe that I am any of these things at all times, but […]
Continue Reading →By Jane Tanfei|May 13 2014 | Thoughts
I’ve realized that I feel some level anxiety every single day. What I also realized is that the source for this is, most often, based in thoughts of social propriety. As a person who no longer wishes to be socially propitious, this bothers me greatly. Happily, each day’s anxiety is a little easier to manage and […]
Continue Reading →By Jane Tanfei|May 07 2014 | Thoughts
Muddling through some haziness, I realize: I need to define myself, but I don’t know how. I’m flopping around trying to find solid ground to stand on, but there’s no solid ground until I make solid ground. Honestly, some days I don’t even know who I am or who I’m striving to become. Sometimes, I get these feelings of “YES, […]
Continue Reading →By Jane Tanfei|May 05 2014 | Thoughts
My days have become a lottery of emotion. I can’t tell how I will feel from one moment to the next. I am steadily working to keep myself present and to keep my thoughts accounted for. I have a baseline, where I feel okay – there is no unbearable burden, no looming anxiety, and there is no crushing pain. […]
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