Entering Excitement…
This evening, I will perform live for a large group of strangers for the first time in 11 years.
Strangely, I feel absolutely no nervousness. In the past, even last year while recording my album, I felt nervous and anxious about performing music. Today, I just feel happy and exuberant. I feel like today is the start of something good and something new. This is the start of a new era in my life: excitement without fear.
I have realized that I am OK with whatever happens. I realize I’ll probably make mistakes, but there’s nothing wrong with that. I never truly believed that mistakes are acceptable until very recently. I’m sure I’ll end up feeling a little nervous in the moments leading up to my performance, but normally I’d have been nervous for a few DAYS already. Ideally, I won’t forget the lyrics to my own songs, but if I do, I’ll just keep playing on. I don’t feel any trepidation at all, just a sense of delight that I’m going to try something new.
I’ve put my feelers out to the community to find comfortable places to play music. Generally speaking: coffeehouses, farmer’s markets, small shops, art shows, neighborhood events and all-ages open mics are where I will find an open and friendly atmosphere to share my music with a minimum of jeers or complaints and maybe even a tip or two. I look forward to meeting new people and making contacts with small business owners in the area.
I really do love living in this area, there are so many more opportunities here than where I’m from. There is an actual focus on community involvement here that I never experienced while living in California. Of course there are some rude people, that’s a given… But, I’ve met more kind and helpful people in the five years I’ve lived in the Pacific Northwest than the entire twenty-four years I lived in CA . It’s refreshing not to always expect the absolute worst out of new people, and it’s nice to look forward to daily interactions instead of dreading them.
I cannot express how grateful and fortunate I feel to live in such a beautiful, pleasant and friendly environment. I feel like I am able to grow without constraint. Every day, I am inspired by the natural beauty surrounding me. Even the weather is nice, never unbearable to me. There are so many interesting activities and parks and outdoor adventures here, I’ve barely even scratched the surface even though I make a point to go to ten or so new places per year. It’s just such a nice place to live. I look around sometimes, still in awe that I get to live here.
I feel like I’m finally getting a chance to be what I have always wanted to be – Happy.
It’s funny how life works out.