Love.
Today I am wondering: when I feel the varied emotions which can be collectively called “Love”, what am I feeling?
According to the Ancient Greeks, there were four main types of love:
- Agape – unconditional and selfless love, does not require reciprocation.
- Eros – passionate love, as for one’s mate, requires reciprocation.
- Philia – companionate love, as for one’s closest friends, does not require reciprocation.
- Storge – natural affection, as for family members, does not require reciprocation.
Of course, these varied types of love can be intertwined and overlapping, which can make each type of love stronger. For me, Agape and Philia are the strongest types of love I feel on a day to day basis. I consistently feel Storge, too, but it isn’t really an emotion, it is just a bond that exists and is completely instinctual and natural.
Eros and I have a rocky relationship, and hopefully it will all make sense someday. Interestingly, Eros is the only type of love listed here where reciprocation is a necessity. One could imagine that this type of love is exceedingly more selfish than all of the others, because to happily love, one must also be loved. Limerence (physical attraction coupled with the obsessive need to have one’s feeling’s reciprocated) is the type of Eros we most frequently see portrayed on television and in movies.
Alternatively, the Triangular Theory of Love (Robert Steinburg), states that there are three components to all types of love:
- Intimacy – feeling affection, connection, closeness, bonding.
- Passion – feeling driven by attraction.
- Commitment – feeling comfortable with a shared present and future.
The varied types of love which can be created by mixing these components are: nonlove (casual interactions), liking (friendship), infatuated love (crush), empty love (commitment, but no intimacy or passion), romantic love (intimacy and passion, but no commitment), companionate love (intimacy and commitment, but no passion), fatuous love (passion and commitment, but no intimacy), consummate love (intimacy, passion and commitment).
I am confused by the varied sets of emotion I feel, but I can see that they do contain the components of each of the types of love I’ve listed above. I will admit that I can feel multiple sets of love for one person, either simultaneously or at separate times. What is most important to me, at this point, is that I feel. When I think about what other people will think about how I feel, it causes me sadness. So, I don’t think about what other people will think about how I feel. I just let myself feel what I feel and take the time to understand those feelings and the reason they have surfaced.
Often, I feel love with no objective, Agape: I just love everything and everyone. I don’t know if it’s just because I am feeling good, but I look around at the world and love it, even though it’s not “perfect”. It’s life. At these times, I feel very grateful and honored and humbled to be alive.
I believe I am, finally, experiencing life.