On Being a “4”…
So, there is a rating scale males use to judge females on “hotness”. Essentially, the males are more likely to spend time with a female the higher she rates on this scale of 1-10. I decided to go look up this scale to figure out what these people are talking about.
I threw up a little in my mouth while reading these explanations… Not because I was surprised – no, I am well aware that the majority of males think this way – but because it was so disgusting to me that so many people REALLY DO think that humans should be treated differently based solely on outward appearance. (It should be noted that a female scale for men also exists, but I am focusing on the male one b/c that is the one I am rated by. I do not use any such scales and cannot condone this mindset in any way.)
So, here’s the list, a generalized version based on various instructional scales* I found:
* Some scales had disclaimers, “My 6 may be your 4 – it just depends on what you like.” Others took care to note that women could gain OR lose 1-2 points based on the clothes/makeup they wore and the location/time they were “picked up”. Some gave friendly advice: “If the woman is less than a 5 at first glance, don’t even waste time rating her”. And, some gave the helpful hint, “Girls higher on the scale tend to have lower self-worth, so they are EASIER to score if you look for them in an environment where they don’t think they are hotter than anyone else”.
10: Professional model.
9: Could be a model but is not publicly recognized as one.
8: Perfect face, perfect body.
7: Pretty face, good body.
6: Pretty face / average body OR Average face / good body.
5: Average face, average body – good enough if nothing else available.
4: Average face, overweight OR too thin, but good enough if well-made & dressed sexily.
3: Plain face, not made-over, not well dressed, body overweight OR too thin.
2: Ugly face, ugly body, poor hygiene, dressed poorly, etc.
1: An ugly, toothless, stinky, obese or skeletal, hirsute, scabby, pockmarked slob.
Based on this scale, I am likely a “4” on any given day.
Since I don’t dress provocatively, do not wear makeup, am not thin, I’m definitely not worth looking at twice. I guess, by this scale, I could be a 5 some days and a 6 if I really tried. That would require some “hard work” on my part, though.
I’ll have to pass on that one.
When I was young, I was probably a “7”, based on what the males who wanted to rut said to me. These males were clear in their intentions from the start, and had no interest in me as a person. Thus, I recognized from about the age of 13 that I was marginally important as long as my looks were maintained. As a result, I took time to look somewhat attractive so that I wasn’t completely ignored. When I really worked hard at it, I even got some extra attention! Every girl’s dream! Yeah. I got attention, all right. (Bile rising again.)
Basically, I feel okay about being a “4”, in the most shallow of senses. This means I don’t get bothered at all by males looking to “score”. It also means I am not plagued by the idea that I have to keep up appearances. Likewise, I feel a lot of freedom, because I can be myself, even with full understanding that it’s highly unlikely that I’ll ever find a date, let alone a mate.
I choose not to believe I am an object to be scrutinized and judged as worthy of a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to please some male’s gold-plated sex organ.
(I mean, that’s the idea I got from these scales – the guy was most surely a “10”, some hot commodity whose attentions are worth more than my sense of self could ever be, and who would be doing me a FAVOR by even looking at me twice.)
In reality, I feel an immense level of upset and sadness that so many people really are this shallow. I feel sick to my stomach that these guides to “hook up culture” are so prevalent and well-received.
I feel like this is so pervasive that trying to be anything else is pointless, because I know I can never “win”. There will always be these people who can just look at me and say, “Too ugly, don’t care”. There will always be these people who can just skate through life – treating other humans as less-than-worthy because their scale gives them an inflated sense of entitlement and infallible arrogance.
If I feel this hopeless AS AN ADULT, what must it be like for the young people who are just being introduced into this set of false ideals?
What’s the point in trying to be the best PERSON one can be if all that really matters to the world is how you can be rated on a scale of superficiality? What’s the point of even being alive if you’re “ugly”? What’s the point of trying to have any sense of self-esteem, when I already know I do not “deserve” esteem because I’m not “pretty” enough?
Why should anyone even try to be themselves? Why should anyone ever hope to be loved for who they are?
It’s just so awful. (Oh, and I’m sure I think it’s awful because I’m just a 4 and can only feel some resentment or rebellion against the system because I can never win it, right? I’d have no problem if I were higher on the scale, RIGHT?)
Ugh. What’s the point?
Sometimes, I think I KNOW that there are good people in the world. What I don’t know is why they allow this degradation and incessant objectification of other humans to continue?
Is there just no hope? Is there no way to exist without believing that we are no better than the number we’ve been assigned by our peers?
I wish I could have some great remark about empowerment and self-love and hope that I could share with you. But, I don’t. They got to me too young. As much as I want to believe I am worthy of love and respect, as much as I want to believe I can be loved as a person, as much as I want to believe there could be a good guy out there who could see beyond my “doable” rating… I just don’t.
People keep telling me some mystical guy will “be there when I’m ready”. I really just think that’s a bad way to console someone who is upset about feeling isolated – alone and unloved. Why is it that love can only come from some fantastical romance? Why is it that the only thing I should look forward to is the abstract idea that “some guy, somewhere, sometime in the future will find me lovable”?
Because, obviously, I can’t be lovable until that magical man who can see beyond my unattractive qualities (unmade, comfortably clothed, book smart, geeky & nerdy, odd, outspoken, creepy) can extend his graces and love little ol’ me. I must be positive and believe that there’s still hope that I may get to be extended some courtesy care after so much suffering. As long as I do my part to “keep” him, I’m sure. Otherwise, I’d just be an ingrate. Right?
I am so tired of these thoughts.