Just when I think I’ve finally learned to cope with my unyielding sadness in a healthy and permanent way, BAM it jumps on me from behind and drags me – kicking and screaming – to its dank, dark underground cave, cocoons me in webbing and hangs me from the ceiling to be eaten for lunch… Despite my […]
Continue Reading →Why do I worry about other people? Why am I bothered and/or emotionally invested in the imaginary thoughts/actions of other people? Why am I stuck in the circular mindset of “why”? I’ll admit I think too much and too deeply. I feel out of place with people because I think about things that have no […]
Continue Reading →I feel love. It cuts me very deeply and leaves me open and raw and feeling bereaved, yet also feeling soft and warm and comforted because that love is beautiful even as it is painful. Additionally, that love causes distress because I fluctuate between feeling tough and feeling tender. I do not allow myself vulnerability, […]
Continue Reading →I am full of energy and pep and spunk and grit and motivation. I’ve got a goofy grin on my face and I’m having a hard time sitting still. I’m feeling great, despite the fact that my head was too full of inspirations to sleep much last night. I’m excited to be alive! I’m excited […]
Continue Reading →This evening, I will perform live for a large group of strangers for the first time in 11 years. Strangely, I feel absolutely no nervousness. In the past, even last year while recording my album, I felt nervous and anxious about performing music. Today, I just feel happy and exuberant. I feel like today is […]
Continue Reading →I wrote the first post on this blog (Hello World…) one year and one day ago. Over the past 366 days, I’ve written a lot about myself and my struggles. My goal in starting this blog was to break through the deeply seated Silence that has blanketed my life. I feel like I have achieved my goal, […]
Continue Reading →I wonder what it would be like to feel attachment to people, places, things? One of the strangest things about me is that I have very little attachment to anyone or anyplace or anything. Internally, when I feel myself begin to get too attached to someone or something, I automatically shut off those feelings because […]
Continue Reading →Friday is supposed to be the most relaxing day of the workweek. Not today, I’ll tell you. I am feeling so frustrated and upset and impotent, like I can’t do anything to help anyone and everything is going to implode. Why the hell is everyone so afraid of life? Why are we so afraid of […]
Continue Reading →I am in a muddled emotional state. There’s a lot going on right now in my life, there are a few significant changes on the cusp of fruition. I am especially thankful to be healthy and of sound mind today. The recent attempted suicide of a terminally ill friend is the real source of my jumbled […]
Continue Reading →Sorrow, Confusion, Joy – Recovery. And so, dear reader, you have entered my life while I am in a continuous state of recovery. I call this a recovery because it is a daily struggle not to slip into those old behaviors. I must always be mindful of my thoughts and my words to avoid self-hate […]
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