Today, I feel thankful for: Mandarin oranges, Townes Van Zandt, A specific bearded human who is kind to me, Three specific non-bearded humans who smile when they see me, One dog-a-dog who likes to eat apples, Falling asleep with my eyes open, Fixing a problem without any clue what caused the problem, Capability to have a […]
Continue Reading →I am having an extremely rare day of peace. I don’t feel bad mentally or physically, there aren’t any pervasive thought chains, and I am staying in the present without effort. I feel like I’m supposed to do something about it? I kind of miss feeling bad because I’m so used to it? I really don’t like […]
Continue Reading →I had a dream the other night I was kissing a man I wasn’t attracted to. I’ve mentioned before that my dreams are very vivid and realistic. It’s as if I’m awake and actually there. To set the scene: I was working at a large used car lot. There were a lot of workers, and we […]
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Today, I remembered events from this date exactly four years ago. This was the date I realized I needed to change my life; this was the date I told two different people how I really felt about them. This was the date that I finally let myself feel my emotions. Tomorrow’s date is the date (four years ago) […]
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I’ve decided to restart Thankful Thursday posts. I haven’t done one in a long time, but it’s time to work on refocusing my brain again. I went and read a post from two years ago and realized that I still need to do this activity. Today, I am thankful that my feelings are not as dire as […]
Continue Reading →I woke up this morning from a very violent and traumatic dream. In the dream, I was back in the little town where I went to elementary school. I was at the town’s relatively new middle school. I was inside the auditorium with a bunch of other people, attending a school event for my children. The […]
Continue Reading →I woke up today like an old woman – creaking, cringing, and crying. I’m in full-blown seasonal depression now, hoping to wake up dead. My brain is stuck in rumination mode, and every few seconds, I think of a reason I shouldn’t exist. I think of how much better off everyone would be if I […]
Continue Reading →So, seasonal depression is in full swing. I’m pretty surprised it hasn’t taken me out completely yet, though I still expect it to. I’m using all the coping strategies I’ve learned this past year to keep myself afloat. It seems to be working for the most part – I’ve managed to make it through this […]
Continue Reading →For some reason, people don’t understand how or why I am not interested in “dating”. I’ve tried to explain this before, but nobody seems to listen to what I’m saying. I think they hear me, but I don’t think they are listening. I have never been asked out on a date. Ever. For whatever reason, […]
Continue Reading →I’ve been working on my self-esteem this year. One of my goals for 2015 is to become confident. At this point in my life, I’m giving a big FU to whoever has told or will tell me I’m worthless. I realize now that people tell me that kind of thing as a type of manipulation […]
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