My brain time is wrong. 1) Somehow I just realized yesterday that I’ve actually been alive 30 years. Which is weird to me, because I still think, “Wow, I’ll be 30 someday.” Someday is next month, and that’s just confusing to me. It seems like it should be some big event, but it’s really just […]
Continue Reading →The most difficult thing for me to do: Surrender to the Universe. Long story short, I’m trying to learn to go with the flow. I realized a few weeks ago that trying to exert control over incomprehensible parts of my life just causes debilitating emotional upset for me. It seems like a really simple task […]
Continue Reading →I’m pretty sure I’m entering a “cold-heart” phase. Basically, this means I am non-receptive to any thoughts or ideas about the fantasy everyone perpetuates, wherein a perfect mate exists for everyone, blah blah blah. I went on a trip to Ireland by myself. I had a good time, but toward the end, I started to […]
Continue Reading →Today, I’ve felt pretty good overall. It was wobbly in some spots, but I was able to make it through most of the day without any major upsets. Most of the day… until about 20 minutes ago when I was talking to my youngest kid. He was saying “– is my daddy’s name!” So, I […]
Continue Reading →My name is Maude, I’ve got frizzy auburn hair dressed in a pompadour. I’m walking around in my blue checked gingham, taking orders and filling cups, when I see a new wave of people coming in. At the head is Tasha Yar, well-made but wearing a pajama version of a redshirt – she goes into […]
Continue Reading →My depression is killing me. I’m tired of feeling and being pessimistic toward myself, only capable of seeing and feeling the negative when I am upset. While I am significantly better equipped at weathering my melancholy than I used to be, there are still things I need to improve upon. I feel like these negative […]
Continue Reading →I was thinking about dependence again. I think I have a clearer understanding now: People CAN be dependent while also maintaining their independence. The word “dependence” makes me wince; I tend to think of it as a negative. One thing I have too much pride about is that I don’t have to depend on other […]
Continue Reading →I have been feeling terrible the past few weeks. It wasn’t until I looked at my ‘On Being an Aspie‘ post that I realized something – I’m having a bout of major depression with seasonal pattern (formerly known as Seasonal Affective Disorder). I somehow forgot, in the past year, that this is a real problem […]
Continue Reading →Tried and failed, tired and falling. Annoying start to the day by being annoying. People say, “reach out when you are feeling low! talk to someone! make an effort!” As long as it isn’t them you’re reaching out to when you are upset, it’s all good. Obviously, people who say that crap can’t understand what […]
Continue Reading →I have chronic depression. It isn’t as bad as it used to be, but it still hits me hard sometimes. Like today. Emotionally, I feel like a piece of garbage – totally worthless and useless and repulsive. I feel like my life is pointless. Nothing seems important or interesting, and I feel like I mess […]
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