I recently had a night on the town, the first I’ve ever actually had. It was fun overall, because I had a good time interacting with the people I was with. I admit that I had several moments of discomfort and boredom, though, because I was there to be there, not because I necessarily wanted […]
Continue Reading →I had a thought today that has caused a sustained period of grief in my heart. The thought was about some other person, a person I care for, but the thought was also of myself and my own failures. A memory surfaced immediately after the thought, and I began to cry. I felt an acute […]
Continue Reading →I have come to realize that I feel that I am bland, as compared to the rest of the world. Some of the synonyms I found for bland are: uninteresting, dull, boring, tedious, monotonous, dry, drab, dreary, wearisome, dull, unremarkable. I don’t necessarily believe that I am any of these things at all times, but […]
Continue Reading →I’ve realized that I feel some level anxiety every single day. What I also realized is that the source for this is, most often, based in thoughts of social propriety. As a person who no longer wishes to be socially propitious, this bothers me greatly. Happily, each day’s anxiety is a little easier to manage and […]
Continue Reading →Muddling through some haziness, I realize: I need to define myself, but I don’t know how. I’m flopping around trying to find solid ground to stand on, but there’s no solid ground until I make solid ground. Honestly, some days I don’t even know who I am or who I’m striving to become. Sometimes, I get these feelings of “YES, […]
Continue Reading →My days have become a lottery of emotion. I can’t tell how I will feel from one moment to the next. I am steadily working to keep myself present and to keep my thoughts accounted for. I have a baseline, where I feel okay – there is no unbearable burden, no looming anxiety, and there is no crushing pain. […]
Continue Reading →There’s very little that gives me a feeling of dread anymore, and that is a good thing. Unfortunately, there is one specific topic that pretty much ONLY gives me dread: dating. People keep trying to goad or talk me into going on dates, or “just think about it”. I don’t want to. Leave me alone […]
Continue Reading →As I change, I see one obstacle that continues to prevent me from a free-flowing existence: maintaining presence in the present. The Daily Struggle, I will call it, is one of keeping my mind from being stuck in sorrow of the past or imagined versions of the future. It has taken me a long time […]
Continue Reading →I have only recently been able to recognize that I AM good enough for the world. To be sure, I still have a problem remembering this (because I’ve spent about thirty years telling myself the exact opposite thing), but I KNOW it to be true. I can say with complete honesty that the real reason […]
Continue Reading →Bring out the party hats and confetti, folks, I’ve finally MADE IT!!! I have finally been able to pull those last vestiges of the old me out of the dark, examine them and hold them to the light. And, they’ve taken on the light and held it. I’m different. I’ve become someone else, just in […]
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