This morning I realized that I am a kind person. I have always technically KNOWN this, but today I realized it. What I mean is, I realized that I am inherently kind and compassionate – my first thoughts when I see someone struggle aren’t thoughts of disgust or dismissal, they are thoughts of how I can […]
Continue Reading →I have a very hard time trying to understand the point of enduring constant struggle in life. I feel like I am struggling just to keep my head above water – always on the brink of drowning, always trying to find that last bit of strength, so tired that I am always yearning to let myself […]
Continue Reading →So, there is a rating scale males use to judge females on “hotness”. Essentially, the males are more likely to spend time with a female the higher she rates on this scale of 1-10. I decided to go look up this scale to figure out what these people are talking about. I threw up a […]
Continue Reading →Duality and how – I am the guy in westerns With dead eyes and no regard for anything “sane”. I am the giant-eyed leather-skinned alien in UFO movies, Making clicking noises Make the skin crawl. Staring, unmoved. I am the reptilian monster, Watching from the trees, Tracking every move in the area – watching and […]
Continue Reading →I am flip-flopping – still – on if I want to share this information. It is painful to me, but I need to get it outside of myself because I need to reflect upon it from an external viewpoint. For the past couple of weeks, I’ve tried to solve a problem in my mind – how […]
Continue Reading →Sometimes, I feel despair because I think about how my emotions are pointless and useless – they are good for nothing besides causing me pain. I was thinking about how I’m always out of sync – feeling happy things when socially I “should” feel bad, or seeing negativity where others only see positive things. Most […]
Continue Reading →Over the past week, I’ve had two more encounters to practice my “walk away from rude people” skills with. It is not easy. I’m trying to stick by the idea: they start insults, I walk away. On the second encounter (multiple people, typical mob mentality), I was talking to one person when a second person […]
Continue Reading →Sometimes, I go out and play live music. On one such recent occasion, I had a pretty good time, and then I suddenly started to feel very alone. I felt really empty and isolated, despite the fact that there were kind people around and it had been a joyful evening. The strangest part is that […]
Continue Reading →I just realized what I have learned about myself in the past few days: I don’t want to be detached anymore. It’s strange to think that, but I recognize now that I usually am detached because it is a way to protect myself from emotional upset. I think now that I understand the reality that […]
Continue Reading →The one thing I don’t like about my life is that is intermittently, against my will, chaotic. I get stuck in ideas sometimes – trying to figure out the point of these situations. I know, intuitively, that there is a reason for those experiences, but I have a hard time just accepting that the “ah-ha moment” […]
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