Powerful Acts of Kindness…
The past week and a half have been quite unhappy for me. I’ve been teetering on the edge of an emotional precipice – trying to reconcile the hurtful words I receive with the kind words I receive. The negative words outweigh the kind words by default – it takes approximately 10 good thoughts to counter 1 negative thought. It takes a lot of kindness to fight the negativity in my heart, and at these times I find it hard to give that kindness to myself. And yet, that kindness exists and comes from other people. I have seen it in a few people, and I have seen it in the these times of turmoil.
I have trouble focusing and absorbing the good things when bad things weigh so heavily upon my heart, so I want to write them down and share them with you – these events that have lessened my burden. I want to remember these good things because they do brighten my life minute to minute, even though it is often difficult for me to express the level of gratitude I feel for people who take the time to be kind.
1) Lucas spoke to me kindly, asking how I felt about my situation and having an official diagnosis for autism, listened to my responses and was able to give suggestions for moving forward. Also stated he believes I am fine just the way I am. Thank you very much, Lucas.
2) Mary spoke to me kindly and said the words, “You are perfect and you are just the way you are supposed to be, God doesn’t make mistakes.” I wept for several hours after this conversation because that level of care has rarely been known to me. And even though I don’t know how it all fits together, the meaning behind those words just touches my heart at some very deep level – I am me because I am supposed to be. Thank you, Mary.
3) Rosanne took the time to explain that she, too, has had these moments of confusion – not knowing her place in the world, not understanding how it all fits together. She left me with wisdom that I need to be myself, that there are people who accept me as I am, that those who cannot just cannot; I should not and need not feel bad about myself because they will not accept me. It’s OK to leave it at that. Rosanne, your words have resonated with me and I am working to keep this in mind at all times.
4) For Rex, who has continued to assist me in interpreting the dramatic overtures of life, I have many thanks.
5) My older two children and I had a day out and they said, “Thanks for coming with us today, Mom!” And hugged me. My littlest fellow was very excited when I got home and gave him the toy I found for him, and he gave me a bunch of sloppy 2 year old kisses and talked about how his day went. Those children. They are who I want to be. Those sweethearts and their smiling faces are really the only reason I stay alive.
6) Vera has shown much care and compassion, and I appreciate her virtual hugs very much. I am thankful that she takes time out of her busy life to show care for other people, she is a true friend and a class-a lady.
7) I have bountiful thanks for TF and the understanding and care shown during our conversations.
8) To the two teenagers (one male, one female, several hours apart) I encountered yesterday who were trying to help other people, I feel gratefulness, even though I don’t know their names and will probably never see them again. I really love to see kindness out in the world.
9) And last but certainly not least – this act of kindness inspired me to write this post – Mr. Socimo. He brought me a rock he found. I see him for a few minutes on work days when our paths cross, mostly talking about the weather or plants & animals in the vicinity (there is a slight language barrier that ends up with both of us laughing sometimes at mis-communication). But, he found a rock that was split down the center to expose concentric layers within. It’s tiny, about 1 1/4 inches long and 3/4 inch high. He said, “Here, a little rock.” And gave it to me. And he was smiling. And, I smiled back. The rock is small, but, it is beautiful. He found that rock somewhere and thought of me so picked it up and put it in his pocket to bring to me. This act of kindness has touched me profoundly. Profoundly. I am at a loss for words to explain the sense of awe, wonder, and love I feel for the unassuming care and friendship found in such a small gesture. It means the world to me.
And you, reader, thank YOU for reading my words. I appreciate the fact that you have read these words without coercion or askance. I appreciate that you have some peripheral interest in how I see the world. I appreciate that you exist. I hope you are doing well, and I hope you are also finding small acts of kindness in your life.
Take care of yourself, friend, and much love and care from my heart to you.
– Jane