The High Horse of Pride…
There is a topic that’s been in my heart and flitting through my head for a few months now: pride.
I’ve been watching people, looking for how pride is positioned in their lives. I’ve become aware of the reality that most human behavior patterns, actions, reactions and self-identity are based in pride. By pride, I mean a sense of superiority that causes one to feel that his/her beliefs, actions and/or qualities are the best ones possible.
I’ve noticed the people become very upset when their identities are challenged. Realistically, they become upset when they even think their identities are being challenged.
Admittedly, I have a habit of unintentionally triggering these challenges just by my curious nature, questioning everything and pointing out things I think aren’t being addressed. That’s how I realized what was actually going on: there is a universal anger response to any type of logical questioning of other people’s ideal sets.
A few things I’ve noticed:
– People who accuse others of being “close-minded” tend to be incapable of considering that perspectives outside of their own may have merit.
– People claim to be non-judgmental, but then make a point to negatively generalize, mock or “humorously” criticize anyone who doesn’t espouse their personal ideals.
– People claim to support everyone’s right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness… but only when it fits their particular ideal of what those things should entail. They then fall back on derisive behaviors when this is noted.
– People spend a lot of time trying to tell other people what to do and think and feel.
– People spend a lot of time trying to make others feel bad or stupid for holding opposing or alternative points of view.
– People aren’t honest with themselves, so then are not honest with others.
– People prefer to live in denial because it helps them to maintain the sense of superiority and, by extension, identity.
– People enjoy degrading others.
– People enjoy being hypocrites, and even brag about this.
– People allow their pride to keep them from happiness, even when they are fully aware of it.
– Pride can bring about good things, and there are people who use their pride to help spread love and joy in the world. This is remarkable to me.
– It is a choice to use pride in a positive or negative way.
I realized that I do have some positive pride: I feel like I’ve achieved great things in the past few years. I feel like that’s good and I also feel like I don’t care what other people think of my achievements on a scale of value, because I did them for myself.
One negative point of pride that was/is preventing me from happiness was having too much pride in the idea that I have minimal debt. I want to purchase more land, but I am hesitant to because I don’t want to make more debt. I feel really prideful in a “snap my suspenders over my puffed out chest” kind of way. I feel like this is a really valuable achievement, because I don’t like being worried about money and I don’t like to “owe” people.
That’s another piece of negative pride: I have trouble asking for help, and I have trouble accepting kindness without suspicion. It’s also supremely difficult for me to feel dependence on anyone else for any reason at all. It is hard for me to even admit this.
The one thing I’ve found that consistently triggers defensive behaviors in me: negative commentary about people with children. It really bothers me a lot. We are animals who procreate; why is it such a terrible thing for some humans to procreate? Who is anybody else to judge which lives should or shouldn’t be allowed to exist in the world? I know the reason I get so upset about this is that I do have children and I can’t CHANGE that I have brought children into the world.
I know I wouldn’t have had children so early (if ever) if I’d thought I had a choice… but I also know I thought I was doing “the right thing” at the time. And, that’s life. I love those children, and I am very happy they DO exist. It’s bullshit that there are people who’d try to make me feel inferior because of this.
I don’t understand, why try to hurt people and judge them for things they can’t change, try to force them to regret beautiful little lives? When did children become commodities or liabilities or pests or seen only as a resource consuming blight? We were all children once. When did we forget this? When did we forget that their innocence is necessary to balance out our adult cruelty? Makes me want to cry.
I have spent a lot of time wondering what it must be like to be “normal”. My measuring stick for normal is held against people who belong to and are embraced by a human subset or subculture.
I don’t really feel like I have an identity… I have a really hard time identifying with other people as “alike”. I’ve always felt like an outsider, and generally am treated as an outsider no matter how much I try to fit in. I think I’m finally to a point where I am okay with that, but I still feel uneasy a lot of the time. Apparently this is actually a “normal” feeling. Which does give me some relief to know I’m not the only one who feels like this.
The things from external sources that trigger my insecurity are: apathy, scorn, sneering, litigiousness, excess materialism, violence, threatening behavior or language, and fear mongering.
I try to avoid this stuff, but it still finds me somehow.
These things just really bother me for whatever reason. I get overwhelmed by it. I’m to the point where I am trying to figure out how to stop using social media sites altogether because there is such a constant barrage… and it upsets me on a daily basis to see it.
I feel upset and anxious when I see how people outside of the subculture are treated by “the in crowd”. Yet, I also feel envy or jealousy that those people get to feel like they are in the right. They have absolutely no doubt that they are right. They don’t question themselves or think about how they are performing the exact same rituals they chide other people for performing, they just know they are right and they’ll go to great extents to prevent themselves from being proven wrong.
I think the worst part is that all humans act the same when they feel they belong to a subgroup, yet nobody seems to see this. These people do all of the same things as their “enemies”, and for the same reasons… yet they just can’t see it at all. When it is pointed out, they become defensive and angry and self-righteous.
I think that’s what it is that I’m most sensitive to: self-righteous indignation.
I don’t really have any particular thing to conclude. Humans are human. That’s all I’ve got.
I wish people could just love other people however they happen to be. I see this is very unlikely on any kind of mass level – humans are taught to be prideful, taught to be selective, taught to hate. It’s takes a conscious effort not to be this way; it is a choice to love others.
I am renewing my efforts to keep myself away from people whose behaviors bother me on some deep level. I think I’ve finally learned that it’s not worth my time to be around people I know are too invested in their own opinions, because I already know they’ll lash out at me in anger when I point out the holes in their arguments.
I feel kind of queasy and upset when I think of intentionally subjecting myself to judgmental people. I like everybody by default, but I finally see that I just can’t really afford to be around some people. It’s actually harmful to my mental well-being and prevents me from personal growth.
That makes me sad, but also gives me an immense feeling of relief.