This Thankful Thursday…
On this Thursday (and, it seems like, every Thursday of late), I am feeling very grateful for my life. [On a side note, I am calling this “A Tainkful Turrsdey”, in my most lilting Irish brogue. :D]
What am I feeling thankful about, you may ask?
Well, everything.
“Whoa, whoa, whoa, Jane!” you might be thinking in your head… (Probably not, but follow me here; it’s part of my story. Just go along with the dramatic license for a minute.)”You, that brooding, frowning, negative, pessimistic and potentially irate woman are exhibiting signs of optimism? You are actually content?!”
To which I respond [in a crisp British accent], “Indubitably.”
It’s been a long, hard road, my friend, but I think I have finally reached that point where I can look around me and see that the world is not all that bad. I still think negatively and with a decidedly pessimistic tone, but now I actually counterbalance that negativity with its corresponding positivity and pair that pessimism with its corresponding optimism.
I’ll be the first one to say that this is uncharacteristic of the me I was for 25 or so years.
That is a good thing!
I have come to the realization that all things exist as a whole just as they exist, by nature, in duality.
What I really mean by the above stated metaphysical babble is this: Everything is balanced, even though I can’t always see it.
I have only now learned to understand the truth in this.
I have always been the type of person to focus on the most negative aspect of the current situation, of the past, of the potential future. I took pleasure in brooding over imagined slights, ruminating on annoyances, and stewing over disappointments.
But now, I see that each insult is only an insult if I choose to take it as such. Each annoyance is only annoying when I am judgmental. Each disappointment is only disappointing when I have unrealistic expectations.
In all cases, these past mental states were spurred by the action (or inaction) of others. I didn’t realize it, but I was feeding off of my natural negative responses to situations and letting them fester until they became huge pools of energy for me to draw strength from. In short, I thrived on negativity.
I don’t want to be like that anymore. My heart was little more than a pit of despair and darkness. Now, my heart feels free and light…
It is strange to recognize these content feelings in myself. And, while I do acknowledge that “perfect” is subjective, I think that I am on the way to understanding how “perfect” can be possible in a visibly imperfect life.
I don’t know how else to explain it. But, it makes sense to me that way.
So, anyway, what am I thankful for… besides everything?
1) Pleasant summer weather. Even when the temperature is over 90 degrees (F), it is bearable. There is nearly always a breeze. The sky is so clear and beautiful, and I can always look into the distance and see innumerable trees and various mountain ranges. It is a pleasure to be outside, even though it is warm.
2) The number of wild animals I encounter on a daily basis is impressive. Every day, I take two walks to the park near my job site. This week alone, I have crossed paths with marmots, quails, squirrels, crows, hawks, an eagle, a wild turkey, a magpie, several robins, multitudes of swallows, dragonflies, and any number of other unrecognized birds and bugs. I am still waiting to come upon another coyote like I did about a year ago, but that was probably just a fluke.
3) I am wearing a pair of striped stockings. They make me smile. 🙂
4) I am thankful to have family members who care about me, even though I am imperfect and even though I am not always as kind or attentive as I should be.
5) I am thankful to have the means to replace the faulty washing machine that broke down last weekend. My left hand still hurts a bit from when I had to do some laundry by hand earlier in the week. 😀
6) I am thankful for having my mental faculties intact and the free use of my limbs. I am thankful to be able to exercise and challenge myself to achieve more than I ever have achieved, even as an athlete.
7) I am thankful to be alive. To have a life I like, and to Be.
8) I am thankful for you, dear reader, for taking the time to sift through my thoughts. I appreciate it. Thank you.